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When to Respond, Part 4 Print E-mail


Don't let the length of time between responses set the course for the outcome of a possible meeting. If the person doesn't respond by the next day, don't write them off, and don't take it personally. Just because you check your email 138 times a day doesn't necessarily mean that everyone else does, too!

Here's a question I get asked a lot: "If I don't hear back from someone I am very interested in, should I contact him/her again?" The answer is, certainly! If you're really interested in the person, absolutely try again. There's a small chance they could have deleted your letter by mistake or just didn't have time to reply. If you don't hear from them after a second time, I would back off and let them make the next move. If after two correspondences you don't hear a word, it's a safe bet that he/she moved on to bigger and better emails.

I've been surprised more than once by the question, "Should I send a letter 'telling off someone who never wrote back?" Yeah, if you're a lowlife and have the scruples of a skunk. There is no law stating anyone owes you a response, so why do you feel you have to let him or her know you are a total idiot by blowing your top at someone you don't even know. Yes, we all hate rejection but what good does it do to send nasty letters? Does it make you a "bigger" person for doing it? Are you proud that you got the last word in? Great, carry on. Do you think you'll ever get a date with an attitude like that? I don't think so, Tim.

Don't waste your energy, time, and whatever else to write a "hate" letter to someone simply because they didn't respond to your ad or didn't call when they said they would. Chill out.

All an angry letter is going to do is temporarily elevate your stress level. Let it go. Don't sit and try to figure out why they didn't write back. Also, they may find themselves one day wondering if they blew it by not giving you a chance. But if you send them a scathing missive, they'll have proof positive they made the right choice in not choosing you. Move on and save your aspirin and antidepressants for more serious issues.

Speaking of nasty letters, one woman was telling me that she went out with this guy a few times and had a great time. He was really friendly and she took a liking to him. She was very anxious to see him again, that is, after she came back from a weekend outing with her daughter. When she got home she was welcomed with four emails from this guy slamming her and telling her what a liar she was and that no one goes away with just their daughter for a weekend and that someone else had to have been with her and that she was a nasty wicked witch (among other things) and he never wanted to see her again. Okay.

You don't need to know why someone doesn't respond. Obviously if they don't, the bottom line is they are not interested. I usually take a "no reply" as an "I decided this is a reason you aren't my type" reply and ask no more questions. When a guy doesn't want to continue email communication or phone communication, (or even after you have met and he doesn't want to see you anymore) many women become obsessed with wanting to know why. They feel they have to have closure, even if he only emailed a few times, called a few times, but haven't even gone out at all!

I'm sure people would like to know if they are required by the "matchmaker agreement law" to respond when people answer your ad. That was a tough one for me initially. I felt since the person took the time to respond to my ad I at least owed him a "thanks for writing" note, even if I wasn't interested. My problem was I didn't know how to tell them I wasn't interested. (Plus, people can get inundated with responses and simply not have enough time to read, let alone, answer all the emails. You know, like the "Rich, Well Endowed Doc" mentioned earlier. Then I thought of all the guys I wrote who never responded to me and decided the heck with it. No response is an unwritten code for "Not interested. Move on, toots."


 
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