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How to Respond, Part 4 Print E-mail


The first few emails should be very basic and simple. Once you have established a little email rapport, you need to decide whether to go to the next level, thus, contacting each other via a device Alexander Graham Bell invented back in 1876. Some of us computer geeks forget we can still contact people this way. (Well, I myself am not really a computer geek, but I sure can play a mean round of Free Cell.)

Writing back three or four times should be sufficient to decide if you want to continue communication. Although I know many people like to write back and forth longer to make them feel more comfortable. This is fine. But you can learn quite a bit about someone from just a few emails, so if it feels okay, go ahead and exchange phone numbers at this point. If you're like me and misspell every other word you type, you may prefer the phone option, if for no other reason than to give your dear old spell check a break.

If you find yourself emailing for months at a time, there may be a problem brewing somewhere. Guys have told me repeatedly that there are women who just want to write, write, and write. It's like they don't even want to meet. Some women feel that if they do write for a while, the guy will fall for them, whether the guy is attracted to them or not, before ever meeting them. Nice thought in theory, but we're unfortunately dealing with reality here, folks.
Ive also had guys tell me they want to learn "everything" about me before we talk. Can't you find out "everything" about me on the phone or during the expensive meal you're going to buy me? Well excuse me; I have no idea who you are and if you even exist. Until then you will be receiving short, nondescriptive details and that's it. In the meantime, relax and take a chill pill.

A good rule of thumb (why is it always a good rule of "thumb?" Can't it be a good rule of index finger or pinky finger? Never mind.) would be if you haven't exchanged numbers after five or six emails, let the person know where they may be able to find a good "Pen Pal Program," wish them luck with the rest of their lives, and move on to the next eligible "ad."

Email enough times to get a good feeling about the person, then, at some point, take the plunge and request to hear their voice. After several phone conversations, either meet or move on, that is unless distance or scheduling conflicts are factors. Matchmaker sites were designed to make it possible to meet people, not to write or talk forever. If this is your intention, your best bet is to try the 900 number phone service. There you can talk until you max out every credit card you own. So if you're not serious about actually dating, quit wasting people's time here.

Remember, the object of responding is to get to the point of physical contactwhether it's a cheerful handshake or something more. So take advantage of itget out of cyberspace and meet some place!

TIPS

Answer each ad personally. Don't use "form" letters to respond. These come across as cold and very impersonal.

Tell the person what attracted you to their ad. Let them know you enjoyed reading their profile. And remember, compliment, compliment, compliment!

If the other person starts emailing about "rough sex" or anything that's too intimate or personal, delete and move on.

Don't go into too much detail right away. You still don't know whom you are talking to, even if they seem like the trust-worthiest person since Abe Lincoln.

On average, three or four emails should be sufficient before talking on the phone. You don't want to email too long, that indicates that there might be an intimacy problem brewing.


 
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