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How to Respond, Part 1 Print E-mail


Now that the kids are in bed and the boyfriend's out for the night (oh, just kidding) you find yourself browsing through the personals, and eventually, you come across one that piques your interest enough to respond. You sit down at the computer, stare dreamy eyed into the monitor and all of a sudden it hits you. Blamo! Writer's block has set in and you find yourself at a loss for words. Gee ladies, that's something that doesn't happen with us very often now, does it? Now that you've built up the courage to sign up for this thing, that is after browsing six months for free, and you have a "cutie" you want to contact, quit stalling and get to work. Okay, it's forty-five minutes later and you're still sitting in front of a blank screen. Chances are pretty damn slim of meeting someone if you keep this up much longer. How do you know what to write so you don't come across sounding like a blithering idiot or insecure weenie? I used to have a heck of a time coming up with stuff to tell friends and family let alone a complete stranger, but I figured out I needed to get over this little hang-up; otherwise it would be back to trying to meet people at grocery stores, bars, and AA meetings.

So, what do you write? Well, the answer to this question, I found out, is easy. Not much. "Not much?" you ask with that puzzled expression. The one invented to keep all of us from going off the deep end, K.I.S.S? (Keep It Simple, Silly.) You'll want to keep your initial response short for a few reasons. One, you don't want to divulge too much information too soon. It's best to keep them in suspense so they will be curious enough to write back for more. And two, you don't want to say too much because you still don't know with whom you are corresponding.

So be very general in your initial responses. Talk about your occupation, your interests and hobbies, and what you like to do for fun, and by gosh, talk all you want about the weather. You don't have to get too deep into your life history at this point, just keep it light and airy. No one likes to hear all the details anyway, even though you think it is important to you. It's kind of like when people write five-page Christmas letters describing every little thing that Tommy and Suzy did last summer. (As if most people really care.) Stick with the highlights only!

I've received responses as simple as, "Nice profile, you seem friendly," and I've also received very complicated and drawn out ones. One guy sent a seven-page story about his entire life, taking me through each and every accomplishment he ever achieved, enlightened me on his unique philosophies on life, and went into detail about what he was looking for in a mate. He lost me after the third paragraph. (Who needs Sominex?)

People get easily bored, especially after going through dozens of ads, so keep it simple and sweet. You don't want to lose them right off the bat because this could be your only prospect for the week.

I'm not sure why people have to tell us every blessed thought and feeling they have. Leave those details for your relatives to listen to. Another guy wrote an entire page about his wants and desires, and everything that he was looking for in a person. He was so open and frank that he couldn't wait to mention the fact that he was married but was also looking for something "meaningful." He wanted someone who was "honest" and NOT INTO PLAYING GAMES! SO DON'T RESPOND BACK IF YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP. The guy's married and he only wants the people who want a "serious" relationship to respond? Which doctor botched up his frontal lobotomy?

I love the guys who write back after reading my brief profile and feel that we would make the perfect couple. Considering I put very little information in my ad and only make enough cute comments to let them know I have a good sense of humor, I find it amazing how they feel they could be the "perfect" matchespecially when I find out they live well outside of my driving range, they are out of my age range, and out of range with everything else!


 
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