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When to Respond, Part 5 Print E-mail


It would be very polite to let someone know that you are not interested. When I first started Internet dating, I would feel hurt if I answered a guy's ad and he didn't respond at all. A "no thank you" would be better than nothing. It felt like being stood up via the computer. However, as mentioned above, due to numerous replies, lack of time, or whatever, people don't or are unable to do it. I actually lost a night's sleep once when I deleted a bunch of emails without responding. I wondered how many guys felt like they were "blown off." Sorry guys!

One time a guy responded to my ad, using a cut and paste generic response, and used all capital letters on top of it, stating at the end, "PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND IF YOU ARE NOT SERIOUSLY INTERESTED IN MEETING!" Well, I wasn't interested at all, especially after reading his email on debt settlement, because it was quite clear that he was an angry young lad. So I was being "respectful" by not answering his ad. What happens? He sends me a hate letter wanting to know why I didn't respond. I wrote back explaining that I was using his "guidelines" for not responding back and boy, that did not sit well with him at all. He fired off an email using more foul language than I have ever heard in any rap song!

If you have a problem with rejection, and it gets you all hot under the collar, well, you better learn how to control your emotions because the Internet magnifies the number of times rejection will kick you in the ass. Get used to itthat or get a dog.

Internet dating can be just as frustrating, if not more frustrating, than meeting people in person. The turnover time is quicker and more voluminous because of the number of people involved. It can lift you up on cloud nine or it can take you down to the depths of hell It's all how you handle it. Just ask yourself what would you be doing if you weren't meeting people online? It's a numbers game, and your attitude about it has a lot to do with the outcome.

If you feel overwhelmed, take a break. When you feel like you're ready to give it another whirl, hop back on and try again. This is not a miracle cure for the lonely. Think of each experience as a "new" experience, not necessarily a "good" or "bad" experience. If you had a rotten time, remember, the stories make great conversation at parties!

TIPS

When you first start answering ads, answer three to six at one time. This will increase your chances of getting a response. Don't depend on answering just one and getting the response you are hoping for.

Don't be disappointed if you answer ads and don't get any responses right away. It's a numbers game and it can take some time. (One sleepless night I responded to ten ads, and the next day when I checked my mailbox, I did not get one response. It was depressing, but I just took a break and went shopping.)

Internet dating can be very unpredictable. You could be swamped with emails one week and receive very few the next. Remember, patience obtains everything.

Responding too quickly can give the recipient the impression that you are an Internet junkie, but waiting too long can give them the impression you are not interested. Twelve to 24 hours is the norm for the first response, then anytime you feel comfortable after first contact has been established.

One theory is that you should not answer emails over the weekend, thus giving the notion that you are busy dating. I say why waste a weekend alone playing head games when you could be setting the stage to enjoy someone's company. This could also give the impression that you are holding out for the right person to spend your weekend with.

Sending "hate" letters to those who don't respond to your email only brings out the "ugly" side of you. Keep that hidden in your closet, at least until the next full moon.

If you don't hear back from someone after a few emails or even one, don't waste valuable time trying to figure out why they didn't respond. Get over it and get on to someone new!

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