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When to Respond, Part 2 Print E-mail


Years ago you would wake up and have just enough time to get out of bed, jump in the shower, inhale a cup of coffee and head out the door. You never seemed to wake up early enough to sit down for breakfast and read the morning newspaper. You would hit the snooze button more times in one hour than Sammy Sosa would hit home runs in one season debt settlement. But today you miraculously jump out of bed quicker than you did as a kid on your first day of summer vacation just to check the good of personal ads to see if Don Juan or Hotlips Hannah answered your letter.

After checking your email, to your surprise, not one, but five responses are awaiting your arrival. Holy Cow. All of a sudden your homicidal tendencies quickly disappear, male/female bashing comes to a sudden stop and everything's coming up roses for you and for me!

You sit down to go through the responses even before you plug in the coffee maker. What other inconceivable thing could possibly happen? Are cops going to give up jelly-filled donuts? One person after another thanked you for answering their ad. They said your photo was great and wanted to find out more about you. You go through each and every one over and over allowing your self-esteem to soar to heights it's never been before.

You email your friends to let them know that you finally got rid of the cobwebs in your "in box" and that you woke up to a handful of emails. Chances are looking pretty good that you'll most likely have a date for this coming weekend. The excitement makes you lose all track of time and you find yourself high-tailing it off to work with a big grin on your face.

Then, when you arrive two hours late at work your boss not only smiles politely and says hello, but excuses your tardiness due to the fact he arrived only minutes earlier because he was at home doing the exact same thing.

It's so exciting to write someone, and then actually get a response back. But admit it, we have less patience than a dead doctor. People not only check their email daily, they do it on an average of 138 times a day. Which then makes the number of times you check it directly proportional to the depth of the emptiness you feel when there are no new messages each log-on.

It really wouldn't surprise me if the number of office affairs has drastically dropped due to the high volume of email checks, or if restaurants lose business, and gossip at the water coolers is down; no one wants to leave their computers anymore.

It sort of brings me back to the "Stone Age" when we used to give out our phone number and would get so ed off if we didn't get a call the next day. It's the same thing with the computer. Each hour there's not an email our blood pressure soars up ten points. But when we do get a reply, orgasmic-level fireworks go off alerting everyone in the office of this momentous occasion.

So we keep sneaking on the computer to reread our "personals" responses while slowly becoming guilt-ridden as we try to ignore the pile of paperwork stacked on the desk. Do we file the invoices for the boss first or do we drop a short note back to our potential Friday night date? Our paycheck tells us we better do a little work, and then we can do a little lovin'.

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