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Advanced Tips on Describing Yourself, Part 4 Print E-mail


I noticed that most men's narratives were much shorter in length than the average woman's. Gee, now there's a newsflash. Guys are basically looking for someone who is honest, has a good sense of humor, enjoys new adventures and who is spontaneous. Women on the other hand were a little more descriptive in what they wanted. Take this actual ad for example:

"I want to meet an honest, responsible, mature, single gentleman who is caring, affectionate, educated, genuine, interlectual (sic), classy, patient, fun and athletic. He's needs to be a good communicator, trustworthy, able to compromise and is respectful. He's kind, thoughtful, compassionate and will give me the emotional support I need. He will have no alcohol or drug problems, no control issues or fetishes. He should be romantic, spontaneous, a good listener and appreciates nature. (You may want to take a breather here, folks, she's not finished yet!) He will be fun, enthusiastic, enjoys sightseeing, and won't have a problem introducing me to all of his family, friends, ex girlfriends and golf buddies. Of course he must be financially secure and must be able to put a smile on my face. Sax player a plus."

Well she just described the entire male population west of the Mississippi. Yeah, right! What in hell makes her think she could possibly find all this in one guy? Maybe Jesus would fill the bill.. .but I don't recall that he played the sax. Another victim of romance novels, I can tell. What is up with this? I simply put down that I am looking for someone who is fun to be with, will take me anywhere to eat where you don't super-size your meal, and who can open a jar of pickles for me.

People sure can be bold in their narratives. On the other hand, at least they're being honest, which is what everyone wants, isn't it? Here's what some other women were requesting, (The following are actual ads. I couldn't even make up material like this!)

"I'm looking for a dinner partner and a movie partner. It would be nice if someone would treat me right and respect me. I am open to all sorts of men, but not ones with "back" hair or the "non balding" (yes! verbatim) type. And please know I am very strict on my age requirements. My ideal guy would be a great Latin lover, with black hair and green eyes, with great arms who likes dogs and who is not a convicted felon." Okey dokey.

This one's priceless too.

"I am looking for a man that will take care of me and make me feel safe. Someone who is handy around the house and that has many talents and interests. I have a great father who has told me what a real man is and I have 'few' expectations."

Few expectations in a real man, huh? That's interesting. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Now this woman has a short list but knows exactly what she's looking for.

"I want a man that is sensitive, aggressive, and even a little cocky. I am looking for a police officer; not for their uniform but the way they hold themselves in life. They are clean cut and for the most part have values and some morals. Preferably at least 5'10" with blue eyes."

Honey, I hung around cops for almost fifteen years, are you sure this is what you want your "fantasy" man to be? (Although if you're into leather and handcuffs and stuff...)

Well, I have no choice but to give the guys an "A" for their brief-but -to-the-point narratives. The women, maybe a "C." Now mind you, there are tons of people who have absolutely wonderful ads posted, and I commend you, but we still need more humor here.
Let me see if I can help you out here, ladies. Like I mentioned earlier, there are certain words and phrases that freak guys out. They may be okay to bring up down the road but they definitely don't work if you put them in your ad before he has a chance to glance down your cleavage. The red flag says it all:

Words and phrases you may want to eliminate in your narrative include: "soul mate, commitment, marriage, looking for just a friend, financially secure, spending the rest of your life with, I hate sports, and I don't sleep with guys on the first ten dates."


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